Obligatory Mom Post

I know every parent thinks their kids say the cutest things & I am under no delusions that my kids are any cuter than the rest, but part of my job is to ensure these things get recorded from time to time.

Here's our latest installment of Kids Say the Darndest Things:

"Holy Smokes!" - Andy's response to seeing fireflies in our yard.

"I take car, buckle up, drive to Grammy's." - Aidan's plan for avoiding cleanup time.

"Good ol' Mick" - Aidan's nickname for his Mickey Mouse stuffed animal.

"Gorilla got crazy eyes." - Aidan's explanation for why his much-loved gorilla is now banished from his bed.

"Sometimes its like a fire hose and sometimes its like a squirt gun." - Andy describing his bathroom experiences.

FFF - Thanks Kate

Got the idea to let the kids paint their bodies after remembering an old episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 where Kate momentarily recovers from her OCD-ness and let the kids paint themselves w/pudding.

I knew all those hours of reality tv viewing weren't just a mindless waste of time! Hmm, I wonder what lessons I can take away from this season of the Bachelorette...

Dinner Conversations

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

The Other Person Responsible for Creating You

There's lots of talk in the adoption world about birth mothers. The sacrifices they made. The dreams they had for their babies. On Mother's Day, children's birthdays & family days, blogs are flooded w/thoughts about birth moms and the significant place they have in our children's lives.

There is decidedly less said about birth fathers.

I know in our family, the kids' birth moms are part of every conversation we have about their adoptions:

You grew in your birth mom's belly. She loved you, but she couldn't take care of a baby. She made a plan to give you the life she wanted you to have.

We have yet to mention their birth fathers. The boys don't even know they exist.

Its just at this age, I don't know where to begin. Birth moms are easy to talk about, they play a role kids understand (growing a baby in her belly) and in our case, as in many cases, chose adoption b/c they knew it was the only way to give their children the life they wanted them to have. Birth moms' stories are the ultimate example of what it means to love someone more than yourself.

Birth father stories are often not as simple or as nice. I know ours aren't. For one thing, I am so not ready to explain the role a man plays in where babies come from to my 2 & 3 year olds, especially when that story doesn't start w/"when a man and a woman love each other very much...". Then there's the undesirable role, or lack there of, some birth fathers play in their children's adoptions. I won't get into specifics w/our children's stories, but many children's histories include fathers who wanted pregnancies terminated or who deserted birth mothers after learning of the pregnancy. Conversely, there are many birth moms who chose not to tell the father about the pregnancy or her decision to make an adoption plan - sometimes b/c the pregnancy was the result of a casual relationship, sometimes b/c the father is not a good person, sometimes b/c she doesn't want him to try to talk her out of it. I'm not saying all birth fathers are evil or selfish, but many times, as w/our sons', the roles they played are complicated. Its hard to fill a page in your toddler's lifebook entitled "The reason your birth mom kept you a secret".

Yet it is conversation I know we will have to begin in the next few years. Birth fathers are part of our children's adoption stories and I will not make the mistake of thinking the kids will never wonder who their biological fathers are. I will also not omit them b/c it is simpler and risk sending my boys the message that when it comes to creating a life, its only women that matter. Men do matter; my boys need to grow up knowing they will matter to their children. So I'm finding the words to begin the conversation...

Favorite Foto Friday - "Snuggle Me!"

Aidan's new game is to select a target & hurtle himself into said target's arms while shrieking "SNUGGLE ME!!!!".
It is both completely adorable and obnoxiously bossy - much like the child himself.

The Awesomeness of Chris

My weekend away w/the boys reminded me of lucky I am to have a husband who is such a hands-on parent.

Since Father's Day is this weekend and today is our 8th anniversary, I decided to post 5 reasons Chris is a great dad...because nothing says "I love you" like a good list.

1. Whenever he is home, Chris changes just as many diapers, reads just as many books & watches Cars just as many times as I do.
2. Watching a game always takes a back seat to spending time w/the boys - even when its Notre Dame football season.
3. Every night Chris asks the boys about their days and is genuinely interested in what they have to say.
4. Chris is quick to give hugs & kisses and never tells the kids ridiculous things like "boys don't cry".
5. Chris is the king of silly songs and pillow forts.

Chris, thanks for being so awesome. I hope the boys grow up to be just like their Daddy.

Seven

In two days, the boys & I will be leaving on a Grammy, Mommies & Kids weekend getaway (no babies, no Daddies, no pets, no Papas) with my mom, sister & niece. As usual, in the 48 hours leading up to our trip, my To Do list jumped from about 6 items to practically 20. Inevitably in those 2 days I get about 3 things crossed off my list, stay up until 2 am the night before the trip and wind up feeling unjustifiably frustrated that kids require me to focus on them as if its a normal day and their backpacks of fun will just pack themselves.

Not today. Today was different. Today we had Kayla.

I know in my last post I confessed to being a tiny bit anxious about the whole babysitter thing. It didn't help matters much when Dallas called yesterday and said she'd just gotten a spot in a really popular drivers ed program and Kayla would be coming alone for the 1st 5 weeks (I'm sure she's super psyched about driving and all, but she doesn't turn 16 until FEBRUARY and therefore has plenty of time to take a class that doesn't conflict w/my mommy time, but whatever). It got worse when I casually mentioned to the boys that the nice girl from down the street would be coming to play w/them and Andy went pale, asked if I would be there too and then burst into tears when I explained I would be upstairs.

Even though every fiber in my being was screaming "This is wrong, all wrong!" (it felt very similar to this one time in college when I considered buying $200 white leather pants), I decided to go ahead w/it anyway. I was afraid if I didn't I'd end up becoming the type of mom who forces her 12 year old to check in w/her every 5 mins...when he's hanging out upstairs.

So promptly at 9:30 this morning our doorbell rang, I ushered Kayla in and spent 25 mins going over rules, safety precautions and a demonstration how to pin Aidan to the floor and change his pull-up if a person wants to avoid scrubbing poop off the carpet and/or various parts of her body.

Then I went upstairs.

And in 2 hours, I got SEVEN things crossed off my to do list.

Seven.

And Andy didn't cry.

And Aidan didn't choke.

And now the boys won't be required to text me from their bedrooms.

Loosening My Grip

Aidan woke up last night and because he currently has a cold that prevents him from sucking his thumb, I ended up taking him into the guest room to sleep. Long after he drifted off, sprawled sideways across the bed w/his feet in my face, I laid frozen in place on my 1/8th of the mattress, obsessing about a decision I'd committed myself to 12 hours earlier.

Starting this Wednesday, I've hired 2 girls from our neighborhood to babysit the boys for 3 hours every week while I exercise, shower and cross other non-kid-friendly errands off my to do list.

I realize for many of you, this doesn't seem like a momentous event and certainly isn't anything to lose sleep over. Yet I there I was, wide awake at 1 am, panicking about all the things I would have to tell Kayla & Dallas on Wednesday:

• My cell number will be taped to all the phones.
• The kids cannot go outside w/o bug spray & sunscreen.
• Aidan tries to sneak into the woods if you look away for even a second
• Aidan is not allowed to jump off the fireplace, no matter what he tells you.
• Aidan has been known to eat chalk. and flowers. and twigs. and once a lady bug.

....and on and on and on....

As I laid in bed, thinking of the hundreds of vitally important pieces of information these girls were going to have to commit to memory before they could take care of my kids, I was suddenly struck with 2 thoughts. First, Good Lord Aidan is a lot of work and second, maybe this whole babysitter thing is a bad idea, I should cancel.

When asked why we've never used a babysitter, I've always said that it didn't make sense to pay someone when I have 2 sisters, both parents and numerous relatives who will do it for free. Plus, with Andy's shaky sense of security, the sleepless nights and tantrums that follow introducing a new person into his life don't make the few hours away worth it. Those things are both true, but I realized last night there is more to it than that.

A big part of it is that I have trouble giving up even the tiniest bit of control over Andy & Aidan without obsessing over all the things that could go wrong in my absence. What if Andy is too scared to ask to go to the bathroom and has an accident? What if someone doesn't cut their food into small enough pieces and one of them chokes? What if no one helps Aidan walk down the stairs and he falls? What if they don't get tucked into bed the special way they like and go to sleep feeling lonely and missing me?

The thing is, this is not the kind of parent I want to be. I've struggled w/anxiety all my life and its super not cool. I don't want my kids to learn from me that every park is a potential broken bone, that every stranger could be a kidnapper, that every popsicle is a possible choking hazard. Most importantly, I don't want them to grow up feeling that every time they are away from me they are not safe.

So tonight I'm going to finish this post and go distract myself w/a good book. On Wednesday I'm going spend 35 mins w/Kayla and Dallas going over the laminated child care instructions I will no doubt create tomorrow and then I'm going to take a deep breathe and head down to the basement to reacquaint myself w/the elliptical while two very capable girls feed my kids a snack.

Maybe in a few weeks I'll even make myself leave the house while they're here :)

FFF - Reindeer Games

There is a 97% chance you are getting a preview of this year's Christmas card because come December they seem to develop an allergy to wearing anything holiday related and smiling at the same time.


I guess that's fine - people in the tropics wear short sleeves in their holiday pictures, right?